PSA: I wrote this post on my phone at the dinner table. Parents were not thrilled.
Let’s start here: Your Thanksgiving is probably wrong. Sorry.
When I was in 7th grade I was selected to read an English paper at a school event. The paper was about Thanksgiving. Aka I’m obsessed with Thanksgiving.
In the Sheets household, Thanksgiving prep starts on Monday with pie crusts and cranberry sauce. Then on Wednesday, it’s time to roll out those crusts and cut up the onion and celery for stuffing. Normally this is a job that gets delegated to my grandma, but this year I stole it from her because frankly I longed for the sting of fresh onions (I cried for over an hour, to be honest).
On Thursday morning, food prep starts pretty early. My sisters and I work on pies while my mom preps the stuffing and gets the big ol’ bird ready for the oven.
Here is a breakdown of my Thanksgiving spread:
Turkey. I don’t know how I feel about turkey, because frankly it’s just a huge, weird chicken. But I admire its ability to make gravy. Also, the whole reason my family of five has a 20lb turkey every year is because of the cavity size. Mo’ cavity mo’ stuffin’.
Gravy. The main event for me today was the gravy, and I think I performed flawlessly. I may not be cut out for sports but dang if Thanksgiving dinner is the Super Bowl I am Tony Romo. JK.
Mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes are the love of my life. This year I embraced my Scandinavian roots and peeled the potatoes, trying to make my grandma proud. The final product was amazing. It’s hard to mess up a Yukon gold, though.
Cranberries. If you buy cranberry sauce from a can, please re-evaluate your life.
Stuffing. DRESSING IS NOT OKAY. If you try to tell me that dressing can replace stuffing, you are a dingus and I have no time for you. I will call the police on you because torturing soggy bread into a pan is CRIMINAL.
Broccoli. My mom insists on having something green on the table but nah I don’t think anyone ate it.
Sweet Potato Casserole. The only thing that has changed about a Sheets Thanksgiving since 1995 is the sweet potatoes, which used to be undressed with marshmallows but now get buttered and topped with pecan streusel.
Rolls. My little sister isn’t culinarily inclined, but every year she gets to make the Pillsbury Crescent rolls. And she does a bang-up job.
Pie. Pumpkin and pecan are the only acceptable pies at Thanksgiving. Period. This year I took a nice break after the turkey and napped with my cat before digging into the pies.
Thanksgiving is the one time of year that I wake up, put on heels, and work away in the kitchen for 10 hours. And I love it. Until next year, TG.